A few years ago, a guy named Lore had a great website where he “rated” various items on a subject, giving them a report card grade from A+ to F. I vastly enjoyed the format, so I thought I’d start a new series of articles rating various aspects in WoW. I’m also hopped up on coffee and trying to fend off frostbite in my right foot, so there are other factors propelling me to do so.
Today we will examine the basic level 40 racial mounts for each of the Horde races!
Forsaken – Skeletal Horse
It’s hard to come up with a mount that appeals to both anorexic supermodels AND the giddy emo-goth crowd, but this bony skeletal horse fits the bill. If it had a bill. Which it does not — but instead glares in disgust at its rider through its dead eye sockets, denied the peace of death as it is yet again called into service to trot around the cast of Night of the Living Dead. Apart from looking absolutely wicked, its only downfall is its rejection of the Carrot on a Stick — it just falls out of his mouth, anyway. Rating: A-
Tauren – Kodo
For those who might recall back to Beta, the Tauren were unique in not having a racial mount pre-launch; instead, they received a “Plainsrunning” ability, which allowed them to slowly ramp up to the 60% mount speed by just exercising daily on a treadmill. However, Plainsrunning was deemed, um, “dumb”, and Blizzard put their noggins together and gave “dumb” its “dumber”: the Kodo mount. Yes, for the small price of 100ish gold, you too can be sitting astride the WoW equivalent of an SUV, blocking 75% of the screen in attractive gray or lush brown! Rating: C-
Orc – Wolf
It’s a well-known scientific fact that all wolves are just crazy about a creature heavier than they jumping onto their back and going “Giddyup, little doggie!” It’s also a well-known scientific fact that this action is usually followed by an equal reaction of face eating. Still, wolves are useful if you ever want to run an iditarod across Kalimdor, and you get the bonus ability of eating any little level 1 rabbit or kitty critter you come across. Rating: B
Troll – Raptor
Until 1994, we stupidly assumed that the T.Rex was the most fearsome, awesome dinosaur that ever lived. Then Steven Spielberg showed us the folly of our childhood by introducing velociraptors to our nightmare scape, and the trolls of Warcraft took notice. “Be proactive! Use synergy! Downsize tusks!” were the mottoes of the troll business community, and they enlisted 100 raptor trainers to prepare a used car lot full of hungry, vicious dinos for their riding pleasure. 89 consumed trainers later, and trolls gained the ability to saddle up on this Jurassic joyride. Perhaps their best use is just in ramming down the door of an Alliance family who just sat down to dinner, ravaging the parents before giving the kiddies a photo-op. “Dinos? COOL!” Rating: B+
Blood Elf – Hawkstrider
You simply have to hate yourself more than anything to roll a Blood Elf non-pally/non-warlock. Sure, the “Hawkstrider” might sound like a snazzy new sport car, with leather seats and a groovy 8-track player, but you’re going to end up giving yourself the fruitiest ride in all of Azeroth: a rainbow Chocobo. You know, those Japanese ostrich things from Final Fantasy that we only used because other means of transportation — rolling downhill in a barrel, bumming a ride from Rosie O’Donnell, Herbie the Love Bug — were denied to us. Chocobos are only cool to 4-year-old girls and seriously deluded 17-year-old anime fans, and nobody else. Say hi to Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony, Blood Elves! Rating: F