Syp Rates The Horde Racial Mounts!

December 10, 2007 at 4:37 pm (1) ()

A few years ago, a guy named Lore had a great website where he “rated” various items on a subject, giving them a report card grade from A+ to F. I vastly enjoyed the format, so I thought I’d start a new series of articles rating various aspects in WoW. I’m also hopped up on coffee and trying to fend off frostbite in my right foot, so there are other factors propelling me to do so.

Today we will examine the basic level 40 racial mounts for each of the Horde races!

Forsaken – Skeletal Horse

It’s hard to come up with a mount that appeals to both anorexic supermodels AND the giddy emo-goth crowd, but this bony skeletal horse fits the bill. If it had a bill. Which it does not — but instead glares in disgust at its rider through its dead eye sockets, denied the peace of death as it is yet again called into service to trot around the cast of Night of the Living Dead. Apart from looking absolutely wicked, its only downfall is its rejection of the Carrot on a Stick — it just falls out of his mouth, anyway. Rating: A-

Tauren – Kodo

For those who might recall back to Beta, the Tauren were unique in not having a racial mount pre-launch; instead, they received a “Plainsrunning” ability, which allowed them to slowly ramp up to the 60% mount speed by just exercising daily on a treadmill. However, Plainsrunning was deemed, um, “dumb”, and Blizzard put their noggins together and gave “dumb” its “dumber”: the Kodo mount. Yes, for the small price of 100ish gold, you too can be sitting astride the WoW equivalent of an SUV, blocking 75% of the screen in attractive gray or lush brown! Rating: C-

Orc – Wolf

It’s a well-known scientific fact that all wolves are just crazy about a creature heavier than they jumping onto their back and going “Giddyup, little doggie!” It’s also a well-known scientific fact that this action is usually followed by an equal reaction of face eating. Still, wolves are useful if you ever want to run an iditarod across Kalimdor, and you get the bonus ability of eating any little level 1 rabbit or kitty critter you come across. Rating: B

Troll – Raptor

Until 1994, we stupidly assumed that the T.Rex was the most fearsome, awesome dinosaur that ever lived. Then Steven Spielberg showed us the folly of our childhood by introducing velociraptors to our nightmare scape, and the trolls of Warcraft took notice. “Be proactive! Use synergy! Downsize tusks!” were the mottoes of the troll business community, and they enlisted 100 raptor trainers to prepare a used car lot full of hungry, vicious dinos for their riding pleasure. 89 consumed trainers later, and trolls gained the ability to saddle up on this Jurassic joyride. Perhaps their best use is just in ramming down the door of an Alliance family who just sat down to dinner, ravaging the parents before giving the kiddies a photo-op. “Dinos? COOL!” Rating: B+

Blood Elf – Hawkstrider

You simply have to hate yourself more than anything to roll a Blood Elf non-pally/non-warlock. Sure, the “Hawkstrider” might sound like a snazzy new sport car, with leather seats and a groovy 8-track player, but you’re going to end up giving yourself the fruitiest ride in all of Azeroth: a rainbow Chocobo. You know, those Japanese ostrich things from Final Fantasy that we only used because other means of transportation — rolling downhill in a barrel, bumming a ride from Rosie O’Donnell, Herbie the Love Bug — were denied to us. Chocobos are only cool to 4-year-old girls and seriously deluded 17-year-old anime fans, and nobody else. Say hi to Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony, Blood Elves! Rating: F

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19 Comments

  1. Grading the Horde mounts | Warcraft-News.com said,

    […] Justin sent along this witty little guide he wrote rating the Horde starting mounts in the game. From skeletal horse to the Chocobo […]

  2. Xtazey said,

    That’s probably the lamest rating ever.

  3. Pemm said,

    My Little Pony? I’m there.

  4. Hikari said,

    Hey, Chocobos are cool! Just think of the Chocobo theme from Final Fantasy IX and riding the chocobo around the world with the monkey Zidane…. >_>;;;;

  5. neverhitboxes said,

    ……..yeah what xtazey said.

  6. Doug said,

    @2: lamest comment ever. don’t bother explaining yourself or offer any other opinions, just flame away.

    undead horse = scary/impressive
    kodo = huge/scary/big poop
    wolf = scary/fangs
    raptor = scary/claws
    giant rainbow chicken = um scary because it has a pecker on it’s face?

    These rating are correct, because it’s science, and you can’t argue with science. True story.

  7. Fallen said,

    dude @6, dude there’s no rating criteria. saying that order works only for the scary criteria, which isn’t even explained. i think all the horde mounts are interesting and cool, there’s no real “top” mount. i mean judging by what’s said here, i could make a list saying that the i dunno wolf is the best mount on horde because… what, it hobbles towards it’s prey? c’mon, that’s why @2 said lame, because there’s really no explaination as to why these are rated. considering the skeletal horse got such a higher rating, i’m thinkin the OP is just an undead who liked his horse a lot.

  8. boazar said,

    Considering I know the original poster, no, he doesn’t in fact have an undead character (that I know of.)

    He has an absurd fascination for all things female and gnomish.

  9. latha vidyaranya said,

    the content was all greek n latin to me. i happen to pass by n just dropped in to see the contents.

    i liked all the pics. they are very colourful :)

  10. sneetha said,

    nice works.

  11. mattbear said,

    Nice go at the “Ratings” style. If you ever want to look back at Lore’s Ratings, you can find them archived still at http://bookofratings.com/

    @4: given that your name here is Hikari, I’m guessing you fall into the Anime Fan category of the following statement:
    “Chocobos are only cool to 4-year-old girls and seriously deluded 17-year-old anime fans, and nobody else.” Therefore, nothing you say has any validity.

    @7: Yes, you “could make a list saying that the i dunno wolf is the best mount on horde because… what, it hobbles towards it’s prey?”
    Anybody can make any list saying anything they want. It’s called an opinion. For instance, take this list:

    Lamest Comments on this post:
    @7

  12. J.S. Peyton said,

    BE mounts ftl…

  13. Beauty in the eye of beholder? « Arily.Vinnie said,

    […] Syp Rathes The Horde Racial Mounts! […]

  14. boazar said,

    Mattbear,

    Thanks for making fun of my guildies’ names. Not only that, but you didn’t even read her comment saying she likes chocobos.

    So go away. please.

  15. Tams said,

    !@6 “giant rainbow chicken = um scary because it has a pecker on its face?” Made me LoL so hard, BUT besides that where are all of you people coming from I do not recognize your names!?

  16. Tams said,

    As always syp you never let me down with your blogs ;)

  17. Brany said,

    I was wondering where all these people came from as well….seems to me that most of them have forgotten that everyone is entitled to an opinion and not a one has any kind of sense of humor.

    I love your posts Syp, keep’em coming.. :)
    ( and I agree that undead horse is definitely coolest…)

  18. Syp said,

    We got posted on WoW Insider, so a lot of visitors came over from there.

  19. guide4game » Grading the Horde mounts said,

    […] Justin sent along this witty little guide he wrote rating the Horde starting mounts in the game. From skeletal horse to the Chocobo […]

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