Gnomes rock! 10 reasons why.

December 18, 2007 at 3:15 pm (1)

Ever since the launch of World of Warcraft, it’s been the fashionable trend to engage, from time to time, in a healthy bout of gnome-bashing.  The shield of tolerance does not cover Azeroth’s smallest intelligent race, as talk of gnome punting, consuming gnomes, and hollowing out gnomes to use as candle holders continues even to this day.  Let’s face it: so many, many people despise gnomes.

Good.  I’m glad.  These people will die in a fire that my little 2-foot-tall gnome creates with only an effort of the will, writhing in pain and itching before the merciful end arrives.

As you can tell, I’m a gnome lover.  As much as others hate the little fellas, I’m a staunch supporter of all things gnome.  My main’s a gnome warlock, who has a 390 in gnomish engineering, and often times I’m the only short stuff in a given raid.  Perfect.  That’s the way I like it.

So today, instead of spreading spittle-fueled ignorant hatred toward THE GREATEST ALLIANCE RACE THAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR OWN FACTION, FOR HOW AWESOME THEY ARE, I’m going to rectify past ills by posting a list of 10 reasons why gnomes simply rock.

1. It’s awesome to root for the underdog.

People love underdogs, cheering them on to win out over superior odds, and what race fits that profile more than gnomes?   The more you hate on gnomes, the more underdoggish they become (“If you strike me down, I shall come back stronger yet a bit more ghostly.”).  Nobody expects gnomes to be anything other than Santa’s elves, tinkering away at advanced toys… so when a daring gnome adventurer goes toe-to-toe with Illidan himself, it’s a triumph of the little guy over the many Goliaths in WoW.

2. The mounts… oh, the mounts!

Oh, you have a pony?  A goat, er, ram?  A cute widdle kiddy cat?  Dumbo?  Sorry to hear that.  MY ride is a mechanical masterpiece of design, belching environment-friendly black smoke and laden with practical things like rear view mirrors.  Does your cat have a rear view mirror?  You want to try to drill a hole in its head to attach one?  Good luck!

3. Engineering.

There is nothing more fun in WoW than what the engineering profession can whip up, and gnomes are all over engineering like a fat kid on a twinkie.  Mechanical squirrel?  Scopes?  Dragonling guardians?  Shrink rays?  DEATH RAYS?  THE EPIC FLYING HELIJET?  THE FREAKIN’ BATTLE CHICKEN OF DOOM!?!  Oh, you can go back to your leatherworking now.  I hear you can make drums now.  That’s nice.  Be great if you ever break into that band you and your dwarf buddies keep talking about.

4. Inflicting humiliation.

Getting killed in PvP is never fun, but when you’re slaughtered by a munchkin with a tiny pair of stabby knives… that is humiliation that never goes away.  Or how about when the highest damage dealer is under three feet tall?  Or if you have to get on your knees and beg an epic’d gnome to gift you with a little bread and water?  They have an unkind word for people like you in prison, pal.  Just call us gnomes your “daddy”.

5. Toshley’s Station.

Ever since gnomes went ahead and nuked their home city rather than let it fall prey to level 30 mobs (which, by the way, shows our strength of will and insanity), we gnomes have been on the lookout for a new place to call home.  When Outland opened back up, we found it — Toshley’s Station.  It’s nothing huge, just a last ditch defense on the border of a hostile frontier, but there’s ten kinds of awesome in this place.  You want gnome snipers staving off wave after wave of bug attacks?  Gnome devices freely handed out for you to experiment with?  A catapult to send you to other areas on the map?  A teleporter to heaven?  Here ya go!

6. The racials.

Sure, gnomes don’t get racials to heal themselves, silence magic casters, stun enemies in a circle around them, or — and the loss of this really stings — be able to find TREASURE on your MAP, but be ye not hasty in discounting the gifts we are given!  +5% INT is a boon to the gnome mages and warlocks, which comprise a majority of the gnome players out there.  We get a bit of arcane resistance (yawn), and a nifty 15-point bump in engineering.  With the engineering skill boost, our battle pets (who scale according to the players level AND the player’s engineering level) are stronger than any other engineer’s.  Finally, no one can slow down a gnome — with “Escape Artist”, we get an instant cast root/slow cleanser that keeps us moving away from those pesky mages or druids.

7. Hands down, the best avatar choices in the game.

People whine and moan about how little variety there is in WoW’s character creator options, and for the most part this is true — except when it comes to gnomes.  Gnome males get a huge variety of stellar-looking facial hair options, and gnome females are all over crazy ponytails, bobs and sweeping hairstyles.  Plus, why would you want a character with brown, dark green, or sandy yellow hair when you could whip up a gnome with pink or blue highlights?

8. The emotes.

/dance.  /silly.  /flirt.  /rude.  Every emote that erupts from a gnome is scientifically proven to be 100% cuter and superior to the other races.   “I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused.”

9. You can get away with murder.  Literally.

Did that orc warrior pull before your casters were ready?  Did that human paladin bubble to safety while letting the rest of your group die?  It’s time for a little kicking of the butts, mon frier!  Yet as a gnome, I’ve found I can get away with practically anything, as long as I do it in the mischievous spirit that the gnome aura fosters.   How can you possibly get mad at an adorable bouncing midget who’s clearly having the time of their life tagging a couple dozen mobs to come stampeding down the corridor toward your group?  Can you blame a gnome for deciding that in the middle of a boss fight is the best time to experiment if that poultryizer works or not?  I think not!

10. Conformity is for morons. 

You’re a night elf hunter?  An undead shadow priest?  A dirty ninja of a rogue?  A blood elf pally?  Congrats.  You’re as unique as a grain of salt in a shaker.  You’re just one of a hundred thousand sellouts that delude themselves about the special nature of their character, while in fact you’ve joined an army of clones.

Me?  I’ll be over here doing something different than the rest of you.  Marching to the own beat of my techno drum.  Making my fellow citizens into radioactive lepers.  Living up life close down to the ground.  I’m sexy.  I’m frisky.  And I’m a gnome, baby!

58 Comments

  1. Eric said,

    I have to agree completely. I hear a lot of crap in my guild (all good natured of course). I know they are all just envious that they can’t be gnomes too. :-)

  2. Why Gnomes (supposedly) rock | Warcraft-News.com said,

    […] can’t say I agree with the premise of this post that reader Syp wrote and sent to us (I’m Horde to the core, so for me, Gnomes only rock when eaten with a side of […]

  3. Kaos said,

    I’m gunna make a gnome now,even though i’m horde. lol

  4. Roberto said,

    I love you man. Seriously, if i wasn’t terrible at writing I could of written this myself. I love you! Please, let me give you money. And sex.

  5. Irk said,

    word.

  6. Obregaard said,

    Ack, I’ll tell ya why I hate Gnomes. There’s only one race in all of Azeroth that’s got claim to this burnin’ hatred. We Dwarves. Ye wee little runts go and blow up yer own bloody city ’cause yer Grand Mega-tinker, torker, ticker… wha’ever the little baldie bugger’s name is couldn’a handle some measly, flea-bitten troggs. And then what do you do? Ye come and take up residence in mah lovely home of Ironforge!

    Always havin’ ta sidestep around ya little weirdos is a pain even for us Dwarves. All the humans and elves have ta deal wih is yer shoulders bumpin’ into their knees, but we Dwarves have to take a hit straight to the fruit basket!

    It’s like the Titans spent all their time lovingly crafting us Dwarves to the note of perfection that we are and when they were done, they noticed they had all these leftover scraps and decided to make Gnomes. If ya ask me, we woulda been better off if they decided to make extra rats wih them scraps!

    – Obregaard (Professional Gnome-hater)

  7. Pemm said,

    This is exactly why I love gnomes and intend to have one when I finally mosey over to make my first serious Alli toon.

    Props to you, man. Props to you.

  8. Sandy said,

    Amen! Gnomes Rule!!!

  9. landrover said,

    “Me? I’ll be over here doing something different than the rest of you. ”

    I hate to tell you this, but gnomes are hardly in the minority. I’d hazzard a guess that gnomes form one of the higher populations in the game.

    And no, I don’t hate gnomes. You make good barstools.

    (Kidding)

    chris

  10. Oilof said,

    …Have my gnome babies please.

  11. anonymous said,

    Yes, I agree, gnome warlocks are incredibly unique. It’s not like 90% of the alliance warlocks are gnomes.

  12. Sasi said,

    This is why i like eating gnomes :)

    Me like gnomes – me eat gnomes

    Horde FTW –

    Undead warrior here

    Pardon me – am not here to start a fued – but just dropping a line

    On the serious note – are u free for Dinner ?

  13. Gothic said,

    Lol!

    This is good.

    I’ve been playing BE Warlock since the BC came out. Now considering of creating a gnome something, just because they are so small and, khrm, insiginicant.

  14. Tom said,

    I love gnomes……

    they taste great.

  15. Koji Oe said,

    STOP BOYCOTTING AV. I WANT MY HONOR.

  16. frost mage said,

    Gnomes.
    Can’t.
    Heal.

    ‘Til this is addressed by bliz, gnomes are teh suk.

  17. Neil said,

    Heh, this post makes me actually want to reinstall WoW and start playing again just to try being a Gnome! – if only I had the free time.

  18. 205Rebel said,

    hey nightelf is the way to go

  19. Slysprocket said,

    Thanks for reminding me why we rock so much. Engineering 4 life! ( shoots Gnomish Death Ray in the air )

  20. Fricka said,

    Gnomes are great.

    For football. http://preview.tinyurl.com/2cda53 ;)

  21. Oz said,

    I have to agree most heartily with you. Although my main is not of the gnomish variety, I do have an alt gnome warrior that I play when the mood strikes. And I find that my playstyle changes the second I log into my little Tonka tank. Although I am not a role player, I find myself playing the gnome to the hilt.

    Great post!!

  22. Adam said,

    “Yes, I agree, gnome warlocks are incredibly unique. It’s not like 90% of the alliance warlocks are gnomes.”

    Just more gnome hate :)

    Gnomes for Life!!! GFL!

  23. kibblesbits said,

    I got to see life thru the eyes of a gnome recently, and boy was it tough. I couldn’t see quests! I couldn’t see people! Just knees! Knees everywhere! My big ole Tauren self was completely lost and useless, unable to find the simplest bunch of herbs that towered over her wee little head.

    Longest half hour of my bovine life, I tell ya.

  24. Nim said,

    I’d pick a gnome, too…. outta my cleft Tauren hoof. Why would you want to play a class that can pass underneath wagons, through those stupid otherwise-useless arches in Ironforge, and practically disappear in pvp sans talent or racials?

    Phaw. Give me a race that can’t hide. One that gets stuck in doorways until elevators come and kill them if they’re too slow to dismount, one that covers the quest giver when we stand too close, and please! one whose dance is an internet meme long since yawned away.

    I’m just big-boned.

    lol, all in jest!

  25. She’s making a list… « Woman Enough said,

    […] Top Ten Reasons Why Gnomes Rock, having nothing to do with the end of 2007 or the start of […]

  26. gnomeirl said,

    Holy smokes, a gnome lover! Woot!

  27. lomenar said,

    Oh my. I laughed so hard when I read this. This is awesome, and hilarious! :D Never played gnome myself, not for real anyway, but usually the best players (at least on my server) play gnomes. Must be because of the great feeling of brutally slaying a tauren in PvP. That a little thing can be so powerful. The Taurens doesn’t stand a chance. ;)

  28. Jim Moreno said,

  29. Proof! That Gnomes rock! « Time Well Wasted said,

    […] I guess I’ve discovered that it’s fun writing silly controversial blog posts — my “Gnomes rock!  10 Reasons Why.” post has not only gotten us a coveted “Hawt Post” notice on the front of WordPress.com, […]

  30. Faeldray said,

    If I could be a hunter as a Gnome, I so would. She’d have her little knives and little gun and a big a$$ beast at her side ready to kill everything. Imagine being pwned by that!

  31. Alandar said,

    Amen.

  32. xchimera said,

    some of the things written here could might as well be for any race with a bit of changes, and no i ain’t talking about big changes just the race name and so on. i hate gnomes and yes i could get mad at a gnome if they decided to whipe an entire raid. luckily im horde though so ill just kill them instead! :P

  33. Freak’s Blog Pot #8 « The MMO Freak said,

    […] Gnomes Rock! 10 Reasons Why (read it but I still HATE gnomes.  Gnomicide 4ever!) […]

  34. Ivan Longshanks said,

    as this website will clearly show, gnomes arent the minority, trolls are mon, then the dwarfs aiy, then what seems to everyones favourite midgets gnomes (btw gnomes are now officially cool as wee-man (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3En1M4SNn98)

    but i am a tauren man with a bad case of mad cow disease, but now i wanna try a gnomw mage.

    peace out

    the WoW census: http://www.warcraftrealms.com/census.php?serverid=-1&reset=RESET&factionid=-1&minlevel=10&maxlevel=70&servertypeid=-1

  35. Hreffiez said,

    I eat gnomes for breakfast? Why? Because i’m tall, Their not, I can step on them and it will instantly kill them. I’m not a gnome hater, But the point is that gnomes have alot of flaws.. More flaws than great things? I dunno. No one will ever know.. ;D

  36. eiranai said,

    I want a gnome druid. Mini bear!

  37. superdog said,

    aye, i agree with the guy gnomes fricken pwn i have 10 characters all gnomes. my main is superdog on madoran pst me. =] GNOMES FOR LIFE!!!!!!
    V
    I I
    ______

  38. superdog said,

    1 More question. Whats better gnomish engineer or goblin engineer?

  39. Checo said,

    Gnomes are great man they rule the world of warcraft And i love my mage gnome XD

    Thx

  40. Gnomes? WTF? « Geekcrafting and Uberdork said,

    […] The parts of the world that aren’t knitting mittens are making gnomes. I’m considering making a gnome… to run him through the Barrens for […]

  41. yunk said,

    I love gnomes, but pretty much stick to Horde. Oh i wish I could be a gnome on the horde side, why not? They are not really part of the Alliance. Gnome hunters would rock. They don’t need no stinkin healin classes.

    Stupid Blizzard took away my orphan whistle during a “fix” to make quest items disappear after an amount of time, so now I can’t run around with my human minion, so Yunk doesn’t get played anymore :( Not that he was very useful: http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/chrisb71/sucbus09_tank.jpg

    Once I sicced my immaculate “Metrognomes” on my nemesis. She died from fabulousness!

  42. Pike said,

    My main is a night elf hunter… cause it was my very first character in the game and I had no idea it was so overplayed… XD It’s really sort of embarrassing, but meh. At least I’m an actual girl playing my female night elf hunter, that makes me just a little unique, right?

    I love gnomes to death though, if only they could be hunters… I’d roll them all the time.

  43. Gnomes ala Warcraft - Funny! « Sirius Knotts & Thoughts said,

    […] January 16, 2008 · No Comments I don’t usually just provide links to other sites, but this is just too funny: Gnomes Rock! 10 Reasons Why. […]

  44. Dhan said,

    Here! Here!

    I am all for taking advantage of the general mis-conception that Gnomes are bar snacks.

    I play a Gnome Lock. She has a sweet-as-candy appearance with those bouncy little pom-poms on her head and a silly little giggle that truly makes me laugh out loud. When she stops to bust a Macarena groove in SW Trade District she is often able to garner a laugh from someone – but is nearly ~always~ able to start a general chat discussion on the uselessness of Gnomes. So seriously – who wouldn’t want to eat her up? Even I do.

    In WOW as with everything else in life you gotta use what you got. As I am being tossed in the air – looking like a colorful little beach ball – I am still casting devastating dots and cackling maniacally as my felhunter sucks your magic dry…

    After all it is smart to have fun. My intellect bonus tells me so.

    Gnomies for Life!

    Thanks for the post – Truly! Enjoyable!

  45. Awesome post on why gnomes rock « Joyce’s Brain Chatter said,

    […] 18, 2007 Awesome post on why gnomes rock Posted by joyceewang under Diary, I Digg   SO cute. It puts into words why I <3′ed my […]

  46. Kaiden said,

    although i love gnomes there is one reason that they suck, there choice of class isnt as varied, i would love a gnome druid, rabbit tank, chicken DPS and rat travel form :D, but over all nothing compares to the supior gnomes!!!

  47. Mortlance said,

    Im a level 27 undead warrior who has recently found the EXPLOSIVE delights of engineering. After much tinkering, and killing myself with TNT a few times, I think mabey its time to try out the race that invented engineering.

  48. zerty said,

    Gnomes

    Were walking proud and we’re walking small
    We’re seeing the world from 3 foot tall
    Cause we’re gnomes
    And it sure is good to be a gnome!

    We’re huggable and cute to see
    But we keep saying we fierce as can be
    Cause we’re gnomes
    And someday we goanna make it back home!

    We dance with style and rhythm too
    And when were happy we bounce around you
    Cause we’re gnomes
    And someday we’re goanna make it back home!

  49. Gnomes rock! 10 reasons why. said,

    […] Here is 10 reasons why Gnomes rock: Ever since the launch of World of Warcraft, its been the fashionable trend to engage, from time to time, in a healthy bout of gnome-bashing. The shield of tolerance does not cover Azeroths smallest intelligent race, as talk of gnome punting, consuming gnomes, and hollowing out gnomes to use as candle holders continues even to this day. Lets face it: so many, many people despise gnomes. Good. Im glad. These people will die in a fire that my little 2-foot-tall gnome creates with only an effort of the will, writhing in pain and itching before the merciful end arrives. As you can tell, Im a gnome lover. As much as others hate the little fellas, Im a staunch supporter of all things gnome. My mains a gnome warlock, who has a 390 in gnomish engineering, and often times Im the only short stuff in a given raid. Perfect. Thats the way I like it. So today, instead of spreading spittle-fueled ignorant hatred toward THE GREATEST ALLIANCE RACE THAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR OWN FACTION, FOR HOW AWESOME THEY ARE, Im going to rectify past ills by posting a list of 10 reasons why gnomes simply rock. 1. Its awesome to root for the underdog. People love underdogs, cheering them on to win out over superior odds, and what race fits that profile more than gnomes? The more you hate on gnomes, the more underdoggish they become (If you strike me down, I shall come back stronger yet a bit more ghostly.). Nobody expects gnomes to be anything other than Santas elves, tinkering away at advanced toys so when a daring gnome adventurer goes toe-to-toe with Illidan himself, its a triumph of the little guy over the many Goliaths in WoW. 2. The mounts oh, the mounts! Oh, you have a pony? A goat, er, ram? A cute widdle kiddy cat? Dumbo? Sorry to hear that. MY ride is a mechanical masterpiece of design, belching environment-friendly black smoke and laden with practical things like rear view mirrors. Does your cat have a rear view mirror? You want to try to drill a hole in its head to attach one? Good luck! 3. Engineering. There is nothing more fun in WoW than what the engineering profession can whip up, and gnomes are all over engineering like a fat kid on a twinkie. Mechanical squirrel? Scopes? Dragonling guardians? Shrink rays? DEATH RAYS? THE EPIC FLYING HELIJET? THE FREAKIN BATTLE CHICKEN OF DOOM!?! Oh, you can go back to your leatherworking now. I hear you can make drums now. Thats nice. Be great if you ever break into that band you and your dwarf buddies keep talking about. 4. Inflicting humiliation. Getting killed in PvP is never fun, but when youre slaughtered by a munchkin with a tiny pair of stabby knives that is humiliation that never goes away. Or how about when the highest damage dealer is under three feet tall? Or if you have to get on your knees and beg an epicd gnome to gift you with a little bread and water? They have an unkind word for people like you in prison, pal. Just call us gnomes your daddy. 5. Toshleys Station. Ever since gnomes went ahead and nuked their home city rather than let it fall prey to level 30 mobs (which, by the way, shows our strength of will and insanity), we gnomes have been on the lookout for a new place to call home. When Outland opened back up, we found it Toshleys Station. Its nothing huge, just a last ditch defense on the border of a hostile frontier, but theres ten kinds of awesome in this place. You want gnome snipers staving off wave after wave of bug attacks? Gnome devices freely handed out for you to experiment with? A catapult to send you to other areas on the map? A teleporter to heaven? Here ya go! 6. The racials. Sure, gnomes dont get racials to heal themselves, silence magic casters, stun enemies in a circle around them, or and the loss of this really stings be able to find TREASURE on your MAP, but be ye not hasty in discounting the gifts we are given! +5% INT is a boon to the gnome mages and warlocks, which comprise a majority of the gnome players out there. We get a bit of arcane resistance (yawn), and a nifty 15-point bump in engineering. With the engineering skill boost, our battle pets (who scale according to the players level AND the players engineering level) are stronger than any other engineers. Finally, no one can slow down a gnome with Escape Artist, we get an instant cast root/slow cleanser that keeps us moving away from those pesky mages or druids. 7. Hands down, the best avatar choices in the game. People whine and moan about how little variety there is in WoWs character creator options, and for the most part this is true except when it comes to gnomes. Gnome males get a huge variety of stellar-looking facial hair options, and gnome females are all over crazy ponytails, bobs and sweeping hairstyles. Plus, why would you want a character with brown, dark green, or sandy yellow hair when you could whip up a gnome with pink or blue highlights? 8. The emotes. /dance. /silly. /flirt. /rude. Every emote that erupts from a gnome is scientifically proven to be 100% cuter and superior to the other races. I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused. 9. You can get away with murder. Literally. Did that orc warrior pull before your casters were ready? Did that human paladin bubble to safety while letting the rest of your group die? Its time for a little kicking of the butts, mon frier! Yet as a gnome, Ive found I can get away with practically anything, as long as I do it in the mischievous spirit that the gnome aura fosters. How can you possibly get mad at an adorable bouncing midget whos clearly having the time of their life tagging a couple dozen mobs to come stampeding down the corridor toward your group? Can you blame a gnome for deciding that in the middle of a boss fight is the best time to experiment if that poultryizer works or not? I think not! 10. Conformity is for morons. Youre a night elf hunter? An undead shadow priest? A dirty ninja of a rogue? A blood elf pally? Congrats. Youre as unique as a grain of salt in a shaker. Youre just one of a hundred thousand sellouts that delude themselves about the special nature of their character, while in fact youve joined an army of clones. Me? Ill be over here doing something different than the rest of you. Marching to the own beat of my techno drum. Making my fellow citizens into radioactive lepers. Living up life close down to the ground. Im sexy. Im frisky. And Im a gnome, baby! Credits: Gnomes rock! 10 reasons why. Time Well Wasted […]

  50. Kero said,

    This is epic

  51. gnome said,

    thank you for your info.

  52. Jared E said,

    Gnomes cant heal because blizzard doesnt want gnomes to isolate themselves from the rest of the faction. if they gave us one healer all gnome raiding guilds would pop up everywhere

  53. Ben Dover said,

    Why for the love of the gam are there GNO gnomes in the preview videos at ALL !?

  54. Tynyir said,

    I am known on my server as the gnome lover. Although I have not been able to play a gnome past lvl 20 I just love gnomes! I group with gnomes when ever I can and am more than happy to help the cuties out. My husband is a gnome warlock and I run everywhere with him. So to sum it up.. I love gnomes I just wish I could manage to play one past twenty and if ever they have a chance to get their home back I will be there fighting by their sides!
    Good luck and well wishes to all!

  55. Harry said,

    Discovered this recently, awesome writing. Gnomercy!

  56. kala said,

    lol sweet. just a little while ago i was thinking about how pwnage a fury warr gnome with like 15k hp would be lol. seriously
    tauren warrs got nothing on us gnomes…>]

  57. Harry said,

    Funniest thing is when I for some random reason Googled the phrase: “Why does Blizzard hate gnomes?”, I got to this posting again. Tell us more!

  58. fergusonfinn said,

    It’s true–we just have to be bigger than them (so to speak). Their dislike of Gnomes is really just fear–they’re afraid how much they love us. :-)

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